I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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