just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
