the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i drank out of a bidet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
