FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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