ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
