"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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