she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
