how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
