drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
