Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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