All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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