I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
