Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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