Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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