Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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