Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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