First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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