I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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