i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
