god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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