is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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