Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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