i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
