just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The uberlube is also flammable
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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