Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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