I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
