I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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