he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
