I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
