Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
