Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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