i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
