He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize