My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
