There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
