Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
