Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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