Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
