I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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