If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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