he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize