do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
