I'm so fucking centered right now
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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