guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize