Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
