Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
