Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize