I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize