From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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