Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize