she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
