smell my finger.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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