I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
