yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
