I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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