Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
