see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
