just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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