Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
