She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
