why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
