I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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