Whod you bang
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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