Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
